Prevent pepper spray effect when cooking raw hot peppers

I generally associate the phrase "chili jam" (also known as chili paste) with store-bought sauces, like this one.

It wouldn't surprise me if they were using a very similar ready-made sauce - perhaps they get it from a distributor or perhaps they even make it themselves in large quantities and store it, but I doubt that they make it from scratch for every meal - few Asian restaurants do.

If the dish you were served doesn't contain ground beef or any of the things you'd traditionally associate with American chili (other than the thick consistency) then this might be as simple as whipping up a stir-fry using a store-bought chili paste. If it's too thick, add a little soy sauce. If you want more tanginess, add some lime juice. If you want more sweetness, add brown sugar. And if it still seems to be missing that certain je ne sais quoi, you might need Thai fish sauce, which you find in almost every Thai dish.

I hope that helps. If it doesn't get you where you want then feel free to report back and explain how it turned out differently from what you expected - one of us can surely take it from there.

Tasting the peppers is absolutely the only way, short of a chromatography machine. This is especially true for jalapeños from grocery. This because, as stated on this site here and in other answers by myself and others, pepper spiciness can vary greatly even on the same plant. Accordingly, chiles mixed possibly from plants, even from different harvests or suppliers, cannot be expected to have any reliable consistency of spiciness.

My approach is to pre-dice and freeze in batches. I use baggies, but another approach mentioned on this site here.

NOTE: The applicable advantage to this approach is that if you cook using the chiles often enough to warrant this approach, the heat level will be more consistent batch-to-batch.

My preservation process goes something like this:

• Purchase many fresh chiles at once depending on what you will use in 3-6 months. (I use 25 to 50)
• Sample the heat of each pepper during the preservation process
• Dice the peppers (de-seed beforehand if desired)
• Segregate into three groups:
  • Mild / non-spicy
  • Killer-blazing hot
  • Normal (everything in-between)
• Freeze into single-use sized baggies (~1¢ each, non-zip)
  • Place the smaller baggies into a larger gallon-sized zip-type freezer bag (~15¢ each) labeled with the spice level of pepper type, date processed, and heat level the contents.

Though I always keep seeds because I want the spice, this approach can be used with or without a de-seeding stage in the process. Another perhaps applicable note is that IME, without seeds, jalapeños spiciness falls within a narrowed range.

To reiterate in summary, one advantage here beyond preservation and availability is that as you have the three piles of diced chiles, the spice heat level of each batch segment tends to be nicely consistent.