Since you are in zone 4, R-38 is a reasonable insulation level. That doesn't tell us how much an issue a lack of vapor barrier is. It is less of an issue in dry climates. What a barrier does for you is prevent moisture from condensing inside the insulation, significantly reducing it's insulating value. Ever notice how hypothermia victims have invariably gotten themselves wet? Unfortunately, properly installing one can be very difficult (read: expensive). As it happens, plywood acts somewhat as a barrier, depending on it's construction. Thus, you may need to just focus on gaps and openings.
Another possible make-do vapor barrier is a good heavy coating of latex paint on the ceiling. You may already have this! Truth be told, the best way to insulate would be to remove the plywood and blow in the needed insulation. This gets sealed around all the joists and other ins and outs nicely and makes effective use of what little insulation is already there. However, it may not be worth the effort.
You can still get a good insulation job by layering it on top as you suggest. The draw back is the dead space under the plywood effectively becomes part of your conditioned space, greatly diminishing the value of what's there. Even a plaster ceiling alone is worth something. And you've increased the top story volume you're heating 5-6%. Another issue with this approach is the plywood becomes your vapor barrier. What are the ramifications of moisture condensing on the under side? There's poor air circulation, so it will not dry easily. It could be the cause of a mold colony gaining a foothold, which can have serious health consequences. Or it may not be an issue if you're in a dry climate.
Whichever way you go, try to ensure what ever passes as a vapor barrier is a complete as possible. Ensure any recessed light fixtures are not insulated over, and that no insulation contacts the cans. It may seem more efficient to cover them, but you greatly increase the chance of them overheating and starting a fire. Insulation is little good if your house burns down! A truly efficient ceiling has no recessed light fixtures for this very reason. Note that there are supposedly fixtures rated to be covered, but I don't think I've ever seen one.
Yep, the 120 year old houses do make life more interesting (and expensive and/or colder.)
Use an air barrier that is NOT a vapor barrier. More commonly known as housewrap. Vapor moves through, but bulk air movement is reduced.
For insulating inside the floor joists, either blown-in cellulose (which supposedly has very little issue with vapor, due to having very little air movement through it) or a sprayed foam product. Getting good fill blind (without blowing out the ceiling, in the case of the spray foam) is tricky.
I presume you don't want to rip out the ceiling for better access - but you really need to think hard about getting some drywall below the XPS (or XPS and added air barrier), or you have (and have now) a major fire hazard - plastic materials exposed in a garage that's below occupied space. The plaster ceiling above it may not burn through for a good long time, but the smoke from it will do you in even if the structure is unaffected by by a fire.
Best Answer
Sounds like a talk with the condo board is in order. Insulating the space between the floors would be beneficial for everyone, not just you. Cutting a few holes and blowing in cellulose would do a good job. Even better would be filling the space with mineral wool batts which are very good for soundproofing (and could be done as a DIY job) but that would require removing the ceiling drywall or plaster.