One example I've come across for this question is if someone asks "don't you want ice cream?" If I say yes, people typically interpret it as "I want ice cream", but grammatically it would mean that I didn't. If I say no, technically that's saying that I do want ice cream, but people interpret it as that I don't want ice cream. What do native English speakers do: be grammatically correct or be more easily understood?
Learn English – If someone asks “don’t you want __?” and I say yes, what does that mean
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I think what the page meant by saying "when, where, who" is that the perfect form doesn't go well with expressions suggests a particular time. The example sentences given at the linked page seem to be all about it.
The default past tense is the simple past, as Michael Swan says in his Practical English Usage (§421.4 "In general, the simple past tense is the ‘normal’ one for talking about the past; we use it if we do not have a special reason for using one of the other tenses.")
The perfect forms are needed basically to add the sense of completion to non-finite verbs such as infinitives, participles, and modal verbs. Because such tool exists, it's also used to talk about past events, but it ends up saying 'up until now' ('up until sometime ago' when it's the past perfect). Because it's tenseless by itself, it makes the sense of time vague, thus it has the sense of duration at the same time it conveys the sense of completion.
The use of the perfect forms are more to do with meaning than tense. Grammar books usually says it's one of tense form, but actually it's not about tense. Linguists call it 'aspect'.
The perfect form goes well with expressions like already, recently, just, since, ever, never. But it doesn't go well with expressions of particular point of time, when, such as yesterday.
I've read something more relevant to the OP's question, in the same M. Swan's PEU:
§457.1 (...) we usually prefer a past tense when we identify the person, thing or circumstances responsible for a present situation (because we are thinking about the past cause, not the present result). Compare:
Look what John's given me! (thinking about the gift)
Who gave you that? (thinking about the past action of giving)
Also
PEU §456.5
We normally use the present perfect to announce news. But when we give more details, we usually change to a past tense.
There has been a plane crash near Bristol. Witnesses say that there was an explosion as the aircraft was taking off, ...
"How dare I!" would be an ironic (or sarcastic) play off of the common expression "How dare you!" used to suggest that the offense you caused was unreasonable or even ridiculous.
For example, suppose my friend is in a bad mood, and she gets angry when I cheerily greet her and compliment her:
Oh wow. I'm such a jerk. First I had the audacity to wish you good morning, and then I made it worse by saying you look really nice today. How dare I!
Otherwise, if you are seriously apologizing for some injury, then there many other expressions you can use:
I'm really sorry that I hurt you.
It's all my fault that I hurt you.
It's terrible what I did to hurt you.
I'm so ashamed of how I hurt you.
I really messed up. I didn't mean to hurt you.
And so on.
(Edit) As JBH's comment says, it's possible to use "do I dare" or "dare I ..?" as a rhetorical question, but this is not suggesting fault as much as questioning courage or capacity.
Alex: That attractive woman in the cafeteria has been sitting alone every day this week. Dare I go up and ask if she would like some company?
Bob: Go for it, man!
Best Answer
Despite what some people may think, most speakers would rather be understood than be grammatically correct, since if one is not understood then *what's the point?". Thankfully being grammatically correct has a high correlation to being understood.
That is not to say even though one is being understood one should become lazy and not try to become better and improve.
This particular pattern has been beaten into native speaker's brains enough that they will understand what is being said and what is being meant. After all, all a young child needs is to miss out on one ice cream and they will learn very quickly!
The response is based on
and not as you are thinking