I moved to the UK (Scotland), as non native English speaker.
Since then I discovered, for example, that when somebody offers you something, and you don’t want it, you can’t just simply say “No” (as in my native language). To not sound rude/passive aggressive you need to say “No, thank you”.
Similar problem, I was asked in free time by person in charge of me (manager) and who is two times older “Can I have a lighter, please”. If I translate this question to my native language, “please” in this case seems very submissive and is a big no-no in this exact question.
Same thing with ability to being able to speak “per you”/without adding title/small talk with older people or saying hi/hello, instead of more formal forms while greeting strangers.
Asking this kind of question in real world make me look like some ghetto man/barbarian, natives at first often don’t realize that some things are just different in different cultures.
The question is, can I learn about English language related manners not the hard way? How to not sound rude/passive aggressive without being too official?
Best Answer
General simple guide, featuring persons 'A' and 'B'.
A: Can I have a lighter, please? B: Yes.
A: Would you like a lighter? B: Yes, please.
A: Would you like a burger? B: No, thank you.
Asking for something is accompanied by a 'please' to make the sentence more polite. It doesn't 'water down' the message - you're still asking for a lighter with the intention of getting one.
Responding positively to a question is accompanied by a 'please', while responding negatively is accompanied by a 'thank you'.
There are no formal pronouns in English. We're all impolite buggers. You'd use a 'hello' instead of a 'hi' in formal situations but English speakers never look for formal or polite constructs from their younglings.