Phrase-Usage – Should “As” Be Dropped in “Incredible Lock Picking Skills As Demonstrated By”?

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I know that "as demonstrated by" is correct usage here:

  1. I have incredible lock picking skills as demonstrated by abc and xyz.

In the above sentence, dropping "as" would be incorrect.

But, for the purposes of a resume, is the "as" still required when we drop "I have" (which means it's no longer a complete sentence)?

  1. Incredible lock picking skills as demonstrated by abc and xyz.

In the above phrase, is "as" redundant? I don't know why, but dropping "as" in no. 2 makes the phrase sound more natural. It just flows better. If this is to be used in a resume, would dropping the "as" be fine, or would it raise concerns over my grammar? I am not even sure if this is a grammar related issue.

Another problem is, no. 2 without "as" is potentially ambiguous. While we can all understand what I meant to say, a technical ambiguity exists.

  1. Incredible lock picking skills demonstrated by abc and xyz.

One could be pedantic and say "Are the skills demonstrated by abc and xyz, or you?"

a. Why does dropping "I have" make me want to drop "as"? What is the grammatical explanation that explains my intuition (if it is right that is)?
b. Is the ambiguity a big deal here?
c. Is no. 3 (where I've omitted "as") appropriate for a resume?

Best Answer

First of all, we have to recognize that we're switching into a different mode of style and usage here. This is headlinese, or one of its close cousins, as found in product manuals, warning labels, and yes, sometimes resumes. "Insert Tab A into slot B." "Dow Jones plunge worries investors." "For best results, squeeze from bottom and work up." This style tends to leave out articles, and perhaps other connecting words and helping verbs. "If found, please call ___." (I.e., "If [this is] found.") "Assemble Flange A as shown below." ("As [it is—or maybe 'you are'?] shown below.")

So the point is, the standard rules of standard usage can't help us much in this mode. Even more than usual, we'll have to not ask "What is the official rule," but "What is common practice."

(Side discussion: I could make a case for reformatting your whole resume to just use real sentences. It doesn't always work, and sometimes you need to condense things into bullet points to keep it scannable, and you certainly don't want to dilute it with unnecessary language. But sometimes "real language" is easier to read and immediately digest. "I showed my incredible lock picking skills when I cracked the First National safe in 9 seconds flat.")

Can I drop "as"? / Why do I feel like dropping "as" when I drop "I have"? / What about ambiguity?

Actually, I'm not convinced that dropping "I have" and dropping "as" have a connection. In fact, you could drop the "as" even in the full-sentence version—as long as you add a comma.

I have incredible lock picking skills, demonstrated by abc and xyz.

(You could of course also add the comma even if keeping the "as": "... skills, as demonstrated by...")

So, adding the comma to the resume-speak version eliminates ambiguity:

Incredible lock picking skills, demonstrated by abc and xyz.

Actually, maybe the ambiguity never was a big deal. To the hair-splitter who asks "Were the skills demonstrated by you or by cracking the First National safe," the answer is "what's the difference? take your pick." In fact, I would argue that even in the fullest-sentence version, it's neither I demonstrate my skills nor abc/xyz demonstrate my skills... but rather:

My having [of skills] is demonstrated by abc/xyz.

Another reason we don't really have to worry about ambiguity? This is presumably a bullet point in a series. When we trimmed the sentence of "I have," it stays assumed and implied (or maybe it's even printed at the start of the series?):

  • Fluency in Microsoft Office [seriously—never put this in a resume]
  • Good people skills
  • Incredible lock picking etc.

All of these are understood to start with "I have." In fact, it's important not to create non-parallel constructions even with our implied/omitted words. You would not want:

  • Good people skills
  • Co-author on prestigious study
  • Incredible lock picking etc.

The second entry omitted "I am" rather than "I have."

So, why did you feel like dropping the "as" after dropping "I have"? My only explanation is that moving into "warning label mode" encouraged you to leave out any small word you could. After all, I maintain that the "I have" still stuck around as implied.

TLDR:

  • I'd recommend adding the comma, whether including "as" or not. I can't quite make up my mind whether it's in fact required, but even if optional, it helps the flow both of the full sentence and the "warning-label" version.
  • Once we get into a style that deliberately leaves out and implies words, even ones that would be essential in full-sentence mode, there aren't a lot of rules around what we must omit. Yes, you can leave out "as" (especially after adding the comma). I don't know that there's any reason you must, though.
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