Recently, I have encountered (what I think is) a fairly common usage of the word "friend" that I consider to be insincere and offensive, but when I brought this up with the offending party, they said my opinion was clearly incorrect and "silly". The usage involves addressing complete strangers or random others (who have obviously opposing views) simply as "friend" (in responses or discourse).
A (simplified) example would be addressing an unknown person (e.g. in reply to a comment on YouTube) who has obviously opposing views as "friend".
Friend, are you saying that your opinion is the only correct one? (with the unspoken implication being that their opinion is questionable).
I view this as obviously condescending and insincere and therefore offensive – especially if it is done repeatedly or routinely. However, looking online, I could find very little about this usage and very few references discouraging it.
Can someone tell me what this is actually called, and if the usage is considered acceptable in English (or should it be avoided)?
Truthfully, I think it is reflexive, intended to "diffuse tension" in some cases, but it is also used sincerely in others. It is not about decorum – it strikes me as offensive because it is used so often (and frequently used in adversarial responses).
Best Answer
Your opinion is sound. Let's start with main definitions of friend found in three major dictionaries:
There is therefore no justification for regarding a stranger or random person as a friend. At best, to address such a person as friend might be done once (in the second Merriam Webster sense) to indicate a lack of antagonism to a person with whom one is disagreeing or about to disagree.
To use the word repeatedly is at best a slipshod extension of the meaning of "friend", and at worst is an insistent, insincere and often patronizing usage. Because there is no reason for the alleged friendship, it attempts to categorize the recipient so as to belittle them and to make them somehow client to the speaker. This is patronizing or overfamiliar behaviour.