Why shouldn't a person be friendly to everyone? Is "being friendly" and "being a friend" being differentiated here?
Also, I consider a person as one's friend only if that person doesn't betray his/her other friends. So going by my rule of friendship, there won't be any problem if my friend is a friend to every person, since he/she is not going to give up on me and neither he/she will give up on his/her other friends when he/she us spending his time with me.
What is the main context under which this proverb becomes true?
Best Answer
Early instances of the saying in English
A 1634 translation (evidently first published in 1623) of Matheo Aleman, The Rogue: Or, The Life of Guzman de Alfarache, third edition (1634) offers an interesting gloss on the reasoning behind this old saying:
Another perspective, this one with an overtly religious edge, appears in Samuel Crook, Ta Diapheronta, or, Divine Characters (1658):
Interestingly Joseph Symonds, Sight and Faith, or Meditations on 2 Cor. 5.7 (1651) makes the universal love of Jesus particular to each person as if to avoid this criticism:
William Seward, Anecdotes of Some Distinguished Persons, Chiefly of the Present and the Preceding Two Centuries, second edition, volume 3 (1795) has this:
Clearly, "A friend to all is a friend to none" has been an adage in English for several centuries.
Aristotle on friendship
Although Aristotle never wrote (in Greek) the terse wording "A friend to all is a friend to none," he seems to have agreed with the sentiment. He analyzes the nature and limits of friendship in Book 9, chapter 10, pages 1170–1171 of the Nicomachean Ethics. First he distinguishes between "friends made with a view to utility," "friends made with a view to pleasure," and "good friends." Then he focuses on the natural constraints on the third category:
The words boldfaced above may well be the ultimate source of the expression, "A friend to all is a friend to none"; but it is important to bear in mind that Aristotle is concerned in this discussion with intimate friendship, not merely the presumptive good will of fellow citizens. There is no objective constraint on the human condition that prevents one from treating everyone else politely and pleasantly. But Aristotle argues that there are natural constraints that prevent one from being everyone else's intimate friend. Being a close friend entails certain obligations such as availability, sympathy, shared ethical standards, and shared emotions when the friend feels elation or grief.
That's the context for Aristotle's analysis of the practical limitations governing how many friends a person should (and indeed can) have. His analysis also seems consistent with the reasoning underlying the assertions of Aleman, Crook, and Guicciardini above.
Update (September 2, 2021): EEBO search results
A search of Eary English Books Online turns up a match for the expression that is seven years older than the one that appears in the 1623 translation of The Rogue. From Barnabe Rich, My Ladies Looking Glasse VVherein may be Discerned a Wise Man from a Foole, a Good Woman from a Bad: And the True Resemblance of Vice, Masked Vnder the Vizard of Vertue (1616):
It also finds this instance from Thomas Fuller, Good Thoughts in Bad Times Consisting of Personall Meditations, Scripture Observations, Historicall Applications, Mixt Contemplations (1645) makes the same connection tthat Rich made in 1616 and Crook made in 1658 between the the main expression and the idea of not being a friend to oneself:
A 1658 verse translation of Ovid, Ovid's Invective or Curse Against Ibis suggests that Ovid's work may have been the immediate source that earlier English writers drew on for the expression, although they did not mention this text:
In any case, Ovid (or his allegedly faithful and familiar translator) provides context for understanding the connection between the assertion that a friend to all is a friend to none and the corollary that a friend to all is an enemy of himself: it is because sincerity in friendship turns the friend into a second self—and no human has the capacity to serve the needs and interests of an endless number of additional selves.