Here's the social set up. I'm talking to a girl on-line whom I've never met. After a few short messages I'm pointing out that she's not that devoted to the conversation and I'm suggesting that we go on (in each's own direction). To that she remarks that my profile is thin of information and she's got little to go on. So I'm sending her a few fun facts and finish off the message by:
"So, there you go, sweety. I've picked a few facts for you to work with and I've even intentionally made them a bit controversial and edgy. :)"
She gets offended by the choice of the words, especially "sweety". When I rephrase the wording directly into Swedish, I realize the issue. The connotation then is (in raising level of oopsiness:
- affectionate (which'd be sleazy at this point),
- diminutive (which'd be inappropriate lack of respect) or
- derogatory (which'd be obnoxious and counter-productive to my aim).
I've been using expressions like:
"Here you go, love."
"Let me get that for you, sweety."
expressing both respect and kindness informally. I've never been confronted with nor remarked on any of such. So, my working theory at the moment is that said lady Swedishifized the contents of my message and took it all wrong.
But I'm not entirely sure how that's interpreted by a SoE. I also suspect that there might be difference in how it's interpreted amongst different demographics and locations.
So my question is whether the interpretation I'm making is applicable at all. And if so, in what regions, demographic groups, times etc.?
As a bonus part of the question, what could (or should, in case it's not applicable at all) be used instead. Please note that I'm trying to be polite but gradually decrease the level of formality because I'd like to get to know that individual.
Best Answer
In the Southern part of the United States, "sweetie" and "honey" are sometimes used by women or gay men when speaking to others in various situations in public. For instance, a woman at a clothing store might ask a man or a woman, "Do you need any help, sweetie?"
It is not used by straight men except in a flirtatious/sexual or condescending way. The above would not have worked if it were a straight man, as it is supposed to be a 'professional' and not flirtatious atmosphere.
In your above comments, you are coming off as both overly sexual and condescending. "Let me get that for you, sweetie" seems to imply she is incompetent when a man says it to a woman (who are not together romantically), whereas "Let me get that for you" has none of that connotation.
'Sweetie' and other pet names are generally NOT used until you are in an established relationship with someone. Boyfriends and girlfriends may do so, but before that, while dating, it's a little presumptuous and definitely implies that you are together.