I ran across the expression "as useful as a chocolate teapot" (or sometimes a fireguard) which is apparently used to denote the utter uselessness of something. It received some coverage on Language Log back in 2004. Where/how did the expression originate?
Learn English – Origin of “as useful as a chocolate teapot / fireguard”
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Best Answer
Eric Partridge and Paul Beale's Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English (8th edition, 1984, s.v. much use as) gives an example of "chocolate teapot" from the Guardian, January 1979.
I haven't found any earlier examples, and don't know where it came about; though there are a few references to it on lists of Irish slang, I don't personally associate it with Irish English. The logic is presumably that if you used a chocolate teapot then it would melt, though research shows that this is not always true!