When attempting to write a story, I get a little jumbled up, especially on tenses and the correct usage. In particular, I get confused over the usage of seemingly past tense (words ending in -ed) and words ending in -ing used in the same sentence. For example:
Standing up straight, John relaxed tense muscles. Much like Sylar, he had been alarmed when first the beast appeared over the mountain’s crest. Slowly, it had trekked down the snow-laden landscape towards the two, pausing only when it was fifty or so feet away. There it perched itself upon its throne of snow and ice, staring with piercing eyes at the two humans who had intruded into its domain.
My beginning sentence starts in the present, but quickly slips to what the main character had seen just moments prior. I utilize what I believe is past-present (had trekked), then present (pausing). If someone could correct my sentences and explain why that would be much appreciated.
Best Answer
UNLESS you have edited the quoted paragraph in the original question to reflect the corrections suggested by the kind members, THE ORIGINAL PARAGRAPH IS PERFECTLY FINE FOR A NOVEL OR SHORT STORY! Don't worry about shifting to the 'had' form for once in a while, because it is always done by creative writers.
As long as you don't make glaring grammatical errors, there is a great deal of linguistic leeway available in writing fiction. Since I couldn't detect grammatical errors in the original paragraph in question, the detailed corrections so kindly and rigorously suggested appear optional.
Perfect grammar in terms of tenses is not really expected in creative writing, but internal consistency of tenses is certainly mandatory. DON'T BE SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOUR WRITING -- YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE! (Not to boast, but reading literary fiction is my long-time speciality, so I ought to know)