I'm really confused about the meaning of the word 'condescending'. Online dictionaries define it as bossy/disdainful, which fits with…
One woman felt that I was a little condescending toward whites, that I sounded like I was superior.
But I find other usages where being condescending is obviously considered a good thing, perhaps more like being humble, or equal, rather than superior…
He took a condescending and friendly interest in the common people.
(and here are over 1200 more instances of "condescending and friendly" in Google Books)
What's going on? Does this word really have two almost opposite meanings?
Best Answer
For this one the etymology is useful.
It's a Latin word, formed with the prefix con- (meaning 'with') plus the verb descendere (meaning 'go down, descend'), and together meaning to lower oneself metaphorically in status by associating with inferiors.
This is Classical Roman culture, remember; it featured a rigidly enforced vertical social hierarchy, with rich nobles at the top, slaves at the bottom, and everybody else in between.
In Modern English, with a somewhat different social system — and extremely different social values — the word has come to mean not so much to treat everyone alike — which is now a good thing, after all — but rather to be perceived to be making an effort to treat everyone alike, especially one's presumed "inferiors".
Since this is a matter of interpretation, often by those who feel condescended to (note the Passive of an intransitive verb with a transitivizing preposition, like insist on), condescension is easy to complain about, but very hard to distinguish from personal dislike.