I'm the GM of a long-running online Vampire: the Masquerade campaign. Three years ago, we had a new (and young) player who cheated on dice rolls. I kicked him out.
A while later, he messaged me to apologize for his behavior. A while after that, we played together in another game GM'd by a mutual friend. We had a fun experience, so I invited him back to my game. I'd cheated in games too when I was his age and figured if I could reform, so could he.
He came back and things were really great. He was a very enthusiastic player who loved the game and enriched it in tons of ways. One of these ways was by using his coding knowledge to write custom dice rolling and sheet editor bots. We spent many hours talking outside of the game, chatting over voice calls, watching movies together, etc., and I considered us good friends.
However, I recently discovered he's rigged the dice bot to cheat on rolls, and has been cheating for almost a year. He also used the sheet editor to spy on the other PCs' character sheets, and has read portions of the sourcebook I get many of the game's plots and characters from.
All of these things are huge no-nos in our game. He knows they are. PvP is allowed, so sheets are kept strictly secret between player and GM. I am also completely against all forms of player or GM roll fudging. A major part of our game's culture is letting the dice fall where they will.
I've been mulling over what to do. I've arrived at some in-game and metagame penalties that I feel sufficiently make up for his PC's year of cheated rolls (and less than sufficiently make up for the spied-on sheets.) He can't cheat on rolls or view other PCs' sheets any longer. I liked the player a lot, and I genuinely would like to levy the penalties, forgive him, and move on. We live across the country, so the game is the primary venue we socialize through and maintain our friendship.
But I don't feel like I can ever trust him again. We already went through this song and dance three years ago: he cheated, I kicked him out, gave him a second chance, and he started doing it again anyway. I think his love for the game and desire to stay friends is sincere. But I don't think he sees anything wrong with his behavior. I think he would have continued cheating forever if he thought he'd get away with it.
The game's other two players both feel the same way. His relationships with them are in the toilet after they found out he'd been cheating and reading their sheets. They're willing (and able) to be civil if he stays, but that's it. The player who used to consider him a friend no longer does so.
Right now I am leaning towards kicking him out. Doing so will nevertheless make me very sad. What do other people think?
Update: Situation has been resolved. Player has been kicked out. Rest of the group feels good about it.
Best Answer
You are in a toxic cycle with this player.
The sheer magnitude of offenses and the effort they put into going unnoticed demonstrate forethought. This isn't something they just fell back into like it was an accident. This is a pattern of behavior akin to addiction. They asked for a second chance and then expressly broke that trust you extended to them to continue doing the activity (cheating, hacking the dicebot, spying on character sheets, etc) that they know they shouldn't be doing. You should not allow this to repeat again.
This is not a game problem, this is a person problem; solutions should therefore be at the person-level, not delivered through game or story elements.
Remove the player from the game. Full stop. No conditions or contingencies. Remove them from the game. Erase all trace of the player's effect on the game world (within reason). They should no longer be a contributor to the game in any way. Accommodating them after such a breach of trust sends the wrong message, that their actions will be tolerated after getting caught. There must be a social consequence for their actions that cannot be recouped by simply following the rules from now on. Otherwise, there is no apparent risk to them in trying again in the future. "If they catch me again, they'll just stop what I'm doing, but I can keep playing."
You don't feel like you can trust them ever again; this is the right response to have.
Friendships are based in trust and you can no longer trust this person. This person has been historically and is actively abusing your trust. If you still want to be friendly with them, you're going to have to keep them at arm's length and carefully choose which activities to take part in with them. You do not need to play Vampire the Masquerade with them to enjoy their company. However, spending time with someone you cannot trust can be bad for your mental and emotional health. You may continue to find more and more cases where they are lying or acting dishonestly in other ways. You should not need to deal with that.
Someone who continues to cheat against and lie to you and your friends is not someone you should consider a friend. Their actions do not resemble those of a person who considers you their friend. It more resembles an exploitative relationship.
They have a problem and it doesn't have to be your problem.
Again, this is a dangerous pattern of behavior and it may be tarnishing their other personal relationships with people. Someone with this pattern is likely to lie and make empty appeals to simply get back in the good graces of the person they've wronged. This makes it difficult to know if they've actually left their cheating ways behind them.
It may sound harsh but you shouldn't be the person to help them get over their issue. Trying in the first place may strain your relationship with them further than it already is. You can make a minor effort to push them towards seeking help but a pattern of cheating and lying, like addiction, requires a person to opt-in to therapy with the intent to change. You cannot fix them and even a professional can only help them fix themselves.