Here's what you're trading for the alertness feat if you don't take the abil score upgrade and instead take the feat:
- +1 to damage
- +1 to hit
- +1 to AC
- +1 to Dex saves
- +1 to Dex checks
- +1 to init
The question then, ultimately, becomes, is +5 init (net +4), no surprise and no advantage on attacks against from hidden opponents worth it.
The latter two features are very dependent on your campaign and DM. Surprise should be a fairly frequent occurrence on both sides of combat, but that still depends on how willing your DM is to allow it or stage his monsters to have them obtain it (and kind of how cautious your group tends to be). Monsters attacking from hidden is another one that really depends on your DM, you group and how well you guys are at nosing out monsters from the shadows.
So ignoring those two items since they are DM and campaign dependent (and thus can't be weighted objectively), the question then becomes, is +1 to Dex more or less beneficial over 4 levels than +5 to init.
For pretty much any character other than the Assassin Rogue, I'd probably argue that they should take the stat upgrade early, the feat at L8 and then the last stat upgrade. However +5 init has amazing synergy with the Assassin Rogue and you're going to get a ton of mileage out of it.
If you're already at 20 Dex (if you managed to start at 20, or 18 and are at L8), then there really isn't any stat upgrade that is worth taking over this feat (though there may be better feats). Rogues are skill monkeys, yes, but +5% in a single ability set of skills is not worth the +25% to initiative and other features o this feat. The only one that would be worth considering at all is Con for the extra HP, but it's really not that many and you're better of boosting your damage significantly.
Take the feat at L4 (or even better, play a human and take it at L1).
The combat begins when the Darkmantle decides to attack. If the players don't notice the Darkmantle at the beginning of combat, they are surprised:
Any character or monster that doesn’t notice a threat is surprised.
So, thanks to False Appearance, the Darkmantle has a Surprise attack. Also, when the combat starts, the adventurers don't know that they're in a combat situation and so are not scanning the entire space all the time, unless previously stated (they are not combat-aware), so the Darkmantle remains hidden until its turn. However, all characters that are higher in the initiative order than the Darkmantle are no longer surprised at the end of their turn (or, better say, the "Surprise" property is no longer applied to them)! They are thus able to take reactions. For reference, this answer to another question (also linked in the comment of this question) breaks it down in full detail.
The Unseen Attacker advantage, however, depends on the DM's ruling, as the RAW are not specific about this.
As far as Darkmantles go, they could approach their target unnoticed. They don't have to fly, they can just drop down. One could reasonably fall unnoticed as easily as dropping a curtain on top of someone. Even if someone would notice the creature as it was falling, they'd only get enough time to look up and see the horrid array of teeth approaching swiftly.
If you still believe your Darkmantles are unable to automatically Batman your PC's, then a Stealth check is appropriate, and should be made during the Darkmantle's Move action. In either case, the Surprise Attack persists, it is only the Unseen Attacker advantage that is at stake.
Keep in mind that the target of the attack must be taken into account. If the Darkmantle attacks a character that was higher in the initiative order, the character can take reactions (like Tempest Cleric's Wrath of the Storm), regardless of whether the Darkmantle remained hidden during its movement or not. The very act of attacking reveals it:
If you are hidden—both unseen and unheard—when you make an attack, you give away your location when the attack hits or misses.
However, if the trigger for their reaction is before the attack, the Darkmantle's visibility has to be taken into account.
If the Darkmantle attacks a character that's lower in the initiative order, the character won't be able to react until the end of its own turn. So, even if his reactions trigger "on hit", he won't be able to use them. However, if the characters that went before the Darkmantle have a reaction that triggers "when an ally is attacked", they can take that reaction (again, because the attack reveals it).
There is only the final, special case to consider, where the Stealth check is only partially successful and one or more characters notice the Darkmantle as it moves in to strike. It is fully within their ability to warn the others of the threat, as they can talk out of turn (within reason). However, as it's the Darkmantle's movement that triggers the Stealth check, the players that were surprised at the moment of the attack still remain surprised. Whether the darkmantle retains its Unseen Attacker advantage or not is up to the DM and his opinion on how fast a character can react to a warning.
From a role-playing perspective, if the Darkmantle remains unseen the adventurers either didn't notice the attack until the moment it hit, or they noticed it too late to do anything about it (including removing the advantage).
Here's an example of how that could be acted out:
(A PC walks under the Darkmantle and it decides to attack.)
DM: As you explore the dark cave, you feel a slight chill up your spine... Roll Initiative!
Player: Why? Do we see anyone here?
DM: Not yet.
(Initiative order is set. )
DM (to the players at the top of the initiative order, before the Darkmantle): You are not aware of any threats and proceed as you were.
(The Darkmantle's turn comes. It makes its optional Stealth check... and remains hidden. It swoops down on its unsuspecting target and rolls its attack with advantage... success!)
DM: Alright... Aldore, your head is suddenly wrapped in a curtain of flesh and you feel piercing teeth gnawing at your cranium. You take XX damage!
(DM now describes the attacker, and the battle continues. The characters that haven't had their turns yet are still surprised. When all turns resolve, the combat continues as usual from the top of the initiative order.)
Now, if the creature missed the attack (either by lacking or despite the advantage) you could have it be because the character noticed it and dodged in the last second, or you could make the Darkmantle comically flop on the ground in the middle of the party. Your choice :)
Best Answer
Yes, the Barbarian is still surprised for any and all effects (including Surprise Attack) that rely on a creature being surprised.
Surprise is a whole section, but the key part which really defines it is:
So if the Barbarian doesn't notice a threat at the start of the encounter, he's surprised, just like anyone else. What makes him different is that he gets to move despite being surprised. Notice that Feral Instinct only allows him to act normally on his first turn, so prior to his first turn he will still be unable to take reactions.