About six months ago myself and 2 of my friends started showing an interest in D&D. We would see funny memes about the "Murder Hobos" and imagined the funny stuff we could do. I took to it very quickly and learned a lot of the rule and gameplay mechanics. We were lucky and another one of our friends (Larry) let us know that he has been playing D&D for years. He DM'd the first session for us and it was super fun.
As with most first time groups can be, we were not super into the RP as it was often a little embarrassing for us, but by the end of the session most of us were pretty immersed in the adventure. We have one friend (we will call him Bob) who plays with us that did not. He is a little socially awkward and while the rest of us were doing voices and conversing with each other he often took a backseat claiming that "his character is a quiet type".
For transparency "Bob" is a great friend of mine and likes playing with us. I want to try to keep him with us at the sessions.
We were in the middle of another session but half of our group went on vacation (we play on Roll20). Wanting to play in the meantime I begin whipping up a dungeon myself so I can try my hand at DMing. Bob, a new friend of mine (John), and Larry were the players. I spent a lot on time in this one-shot dungeon and had everyone make a new character for this. Larry and John have been great, really getting into the RP of the dungeon along with the combat portions as well. The problem is that Bob is not. He often plays the Jokester, making jokes out of the situation and breaking immersion. After they finished a combat round he squatted and pooped in one of the deceased NPC’s mouths. I'm all for PCs doing as their players see fit, and honestly any RP from him is better than none, but the problem is that he is a level 2 Paladin. Next level, that is coming fast, he is going to have to take his oath. Paladin is a class that requires a lot of RP to satisfy his god and I'm worried that I'm going to have to start punishing him for basically doing nothing, which I believe will turn him off of the game.
Any advice to try to get someone like Bob into the RP aspect of the game before the DM hammer has to come down?
Best Answer
This player isn't the problem: your expectations mismatch is the problem
It looks like you each are looking to enjoy the game for slightly different reasons 1- your enjoyment looks to favor immersion and in-character play. You feel like you have to force the issue ...
and so you ask:
I answer: change your attitude as a DM.
This is a friend of yours, as you say, and you have taken the position that you need to force him to have fun the way you think it ought to be. This may be unintentional, but that's the signal that's coming across the wires.
Stop yourself, and step back a bit.
Before your next play session, convene a Session Zero.
The four of you may need to get on the same page about what you each want out of this game together. A Session Zero is where you all make an input regarding what you hope to get out of the game (details at the linked Q&A). You may find out that each of your players have somewhat different expectations than you do -- which is fine. Talking to each other about it and arriving at a compromise goes a long way toward curbing your current frustration.
On-line RPG has some obstacles that 'in the flesh gaming' does not
I love to play in the flesh RPG games, but my current set up has me playing more over Discord or ROll20. I have found some significant obstacles with the on line tools, even though they are a great way to play with friends who are all over the world/map.
All of these drawbacks amplify the disconnect between your player and you in terms of how much engagement with the fictional world that you expect (more) and he expects (little). It is easier to get and provide feedback in person since all cues are available.
Paladins are driven by their oaths, not by gods, in this edition.
I'd suggest that you take a look at the PHB and this Q&A to better understand how paladins work in this edition. You are however correct from an "in universe" aspect: choosing an oath will inforom the PC's RP from that point on. Where you may be making a mistake is in trying to force it.
Let the player grow into RP at their own pace
Forcing RP is a real turnoff. (This from experience in both direction, as GM and as player). Trying to force immersion just doesn't work. Encouragement of both is the better approach.
Related Q&As about encouraging Role Playing
How to get the players to care and RP more?
How to introduce and encourage role playing in non-roleplayers?
How can I encourage my D&D Encounters group to do more role playing?
How do I transition my players from roll-playing to role-playing?
Immersion can be a tricky thing
You mentioned in a comment:
Each player will seek, and enjoy, immersion in-game at a different level. Your encouragement to increase immersion will be improved in play by asking questions of the character when they take an action, and by describing how the world reacts to the character's decisions:
Example: the paladin does something, and you ask:
And then ... listen to the answer.
Make sure you put effort into describing the world, and the reaction of the NPC's to the things that the player does. Let them see through your narration how the world responds to them. That will help a little with immersion, I have found.
Some useful techniques for encouraging "in-character" behavior are in this Q&A.
In my experience, you believe correctly.
If you want more RP out of this character use the carrot, not the stick. Encourage this player to engage more "in game" and above all ...
Be patient
You can't force fun.
1Notes on play styles and how people engage with a role playing game: