[RPG] How to talk to an experienced player about metagaming

OK, I don't have time to answer this as I want to. My background is in psychology, and I fell into role playing games when I turned 10 in 1976. So by the time I was in college, understanding where the term Roleplaying game really came from, I understood the critical nature of immersion, how it is the most important ingredient for game success.

And to be clear, the definition of immersion is to "Immerse oneself into the identity and Role of the part one is playing. To respond, as much as possible, as the person one is playing, not as oneself."

And before getting into the smaller details, I will dive right into the fact that the very system/game one chooses has a huge amount to do with the amount of Immersion.

Metagaming is the opposite of immersion. You use both terms, but I need to make that absolute definition from the beginning. This also means rules that encourage metagaming decrease the immersion in a game and therefore, decrease the main ingredient of a roleplaying game. The mechanics are called "Dissociated Mechanics", a term coined by Justin Alexander. This is very worth reading, because it gets into many of the larger picture issues with players being able to use in-game logic to see the world around them, as opposed to the rules forcing dissociation from in-game logic.

Once the players assume that rules are going to determine the content of an encounter or treasure (based on EL, or whatever) instead of what the environment or history of the area dictate, verisimilitude is lost.

Vreeg's Rules of Setting design are also heavily immersion related. My current campaign is 26 or so years old (started in '83). Building verisimilitude is a huge part of this.

• Vreeg's first Rule of Setting Design
  Make sure the ruleset you are using matches the setting and game you want to play, because the setting and game WILL eventually match the system.

  • Corollary to Vreeg's First Rule
    The proportion of rules given to a certain dimension of an RPG partially dictate what kind of game the rules will create. If 80% of the rulebook is written about thieves and the underworld, the game that is meant for is thieving. If 80% of the mechanics are based on combat, the game will revolve around combat.

    • Multiply this by 10 if the reward system is based in the same area as the preponderance of rules.

  • 2nd Corollary
    Character growth is the greatest reinforcer. The synthesis of pride in achievement with improvement in the character provides over 50% of the reinforcement in playing the game. Rules that involve these factors are the most powerful in the game.

• Vreeg’s Second Rule of Setting Design
  Consistency is the Handmaiden of Immersion and Verisimilitude. Keep good notes, and spend a little time after every creation to ‘connect the dots’. If you create a foodstuff or drink, make sure you note whether the bars or inns the players frequent stock it. Is it made locally, or is it imported? If so, where from? If locally made, is it exported?

• Vreeg's Third Rule of Setting Design
  The World In Motion is critical for Immersion, so create 'event chains' that happen at all levels of design. The players need to feel like things will happen with or without them; they need to feel like they can affect the outcome, but event-chains need velocity, not just speed.

• Vreeg's Fourth Rule of Setting Design
  Create motivated events and NPCs, this will invariably create motivated PCs. Things are not just happening, they happen because they matter to people (NPCs). There is no need to overact, just make sure that the settings and event-chains are motivated and that the PCs feel this.

• Vreeg's Fifth Rule of Setting Design
  The Illusion of Preparedness is critical for immersion; allowing the players to see where things are improvised or changed reminds them to think outside the setting, removing them forcibly from immersion. Whenever the players can see the hand of the GM - even when the GM needs to change things in their favor - it removes them from the immersed position. (Cole, of the RPGsite, gets credit for the term).

Remember that part of immersion is the lack of feeling walls around and rails under the characters. This means that the players should not feel that there are things that their character cannot do solely because of the rules or the GM's mindset. The job of the GM is to enable roleplay, not to inhibit it. This also means the GM must be as immersed as the players, or more.

Another big-picture thing that may irk some folk who sell stuff is that published settings can hurt immersion. They don't destroy it; but when the players have a lot of knowledge about a setting that their character would not have, this increases the opportunity to use it, consciously or unconsciously. Similarly, if your setting has its own bestiary that the characters learn as they go along, or at least a lot of homebrew tweaks, the players get used to working with the in-house data and not trusting the published sources.

If you have done all of this larger-scope stuff, the smaller scope stuff becomes easier. As a GM with miles on the tires, I find that playing up the level of knowledge my NPCs might have and do not have helps keep the players in the same mindset. Players key heavily off the way the GM plays their NPCs. They won't do the funny voices or the mannerisms if the GM does not, and if the GM is particularly careful about what their NPCs know and don't know, especially verbally, the players emulate this.

Pre-warning - I have little experience as a DM dealing with difficult players, but I'm getting pretty used to dealing with difficult tables in general.

A couple of things we found really handy for our horde of uncooperative players:

Talk it out / Remind him

You said in the comments that:

I have talked to him about it before. He seems understanding until a situation occurs where it basically sets it off

So he may just need a gentle, at table reminder about the discussion you've had. A simple prod in the right direction might be all he needs to cool his head. DnD can get pretty intense at times, and it could just simply slip his mind as he gets into it.
Players really getting into your campaign is what you want as a DM, as long as they're getting into in good spirit.

Is the table okay with this behavior?

Is it just you that's bothered by this? How your table reacts to his behavior could also dictate how you handle it.

During our romps with difficult players, one player refused to cooperate with the DM to the point we almost had to kick him out. But the DM pulled me aside, and asked me to respond to every that player said as in character.

If your brother is heavily into role playing, responding in-kind and keeping it to your characters may help stem the OOC poor behavior.

I.E - If he's complaining about the Gods not lending a hand, a NPC (or other player) could take that at face value. "[Gods Name Here] wouldn't care about a single [town/city/country/]! Our lifes are nothing compared to the grand scheme of things. The immortal plane is beyond our understanding..."

If all else fails, are you guys that right group for him?

You also said that:

He generally seems much kinder to other dms, doesn't have the remarks or throws tantrums to them. (He also is my older brother)

So it could very much be as simple as -Younger brother has to do it my way rawr- or that the tables play-style and campaign just doesn't fit him.

Saying that you play to his level, but then having a level 15 player challenge a lv 20 NPC, says to me that maybe he doesn't want that much of a challenge.

He could be looking for something a bit more cruisy, or maybe he just really really wanted to play pirate captain.

But either way, if you can't find a middle ground with him, maybe have another look to see if he matches your table. It could be as simple as a few small tweaks to the campaign to keep everyone happy.