[RPG] The fastest way to remove bones from a man

dnd-5enecromancyspells

I'm likely going to be playing a human necromancer in an upcoming return to our Out of the Abyss campaign. My character is morally "scrambled" at the best of times, and has no qualms about raising the dead. In particular, skeletons are useful because they:

  • Weigh significantly less
  • Have a ranged option when reanimated
  • Can be neatly stored, in a bag of holding or even a regular backpack
  • Usually don't smell as bad, although that's more for the pleasure of my party members.
  • Can squeeze through smaller spaces than a Zombie.

However, bones are often encased in flesh, and so the titular question presents itself – how can I get rid of all that unwanted meat?

The text of Animate Dead makes it fairly clear that a pile of bones is reanimated as a skeleton, but a whole corpse is a zombie, and I'm pretty confident that my DM will rule that way regardless of however you might interpret that spell, so let's operate on the assumption that I must debone a corpse if I want it to be a skeleton instead of a clumsy shambler.

I'm starting as a Wizard at level 8, so any spells I have will be 4th level and below. Assuming I have access to any wizard spell of 4th level or below, and some typical adventurer gear (no magic items), what would be the quickest way to get the bones out? Quick is important – imagine I want to get those bones out, put them in a bag for later, and split before some less understanding guards show up.

My DM is open-minded, but for the sake of improv, you have to provide some kind of hook. Your answer may assume that you are working with a permissive DM, but RAW answers are also welcome. Spells are preferred, since they have rules-affecting text, but tools are welcome so long as it can be reasonably argued to be quick.

Best Answer

Depending on your definition of "raw materials" the 4th level spell Fabricate (pg. 239 of PHB) might be of use. It only takes 10 minutes to cast.

You convert raw materials into products of the same material.

I see 2 ways that this spell could be used to serve your purpose, given that you have an open-minded GM.

  1. On the Flesh - Use Fabricate just on the flesh to make nice furniture (or other products) made out of flesh in a different space away from the body. This method should leave the skeleton behind. This might be a too liberal use of the term "raw materials", however it does say in its description that works on organic material.
  2. On the Bones - Use Fabricate on the bones to recreate the skeleton in a different space. Bone might considered more raw material than flesh. However, since you have to see the material, you'd need to slice up the body quite a bit to see all the bones requiring more time. Though here's a benefit, if you just had time to gather one bone at a time, you could use an assortment of bones to make a full skeleton at a later time. Also, you could make small-sized skeletons this way if so desired.

As an added note, I'm using this question here to justify that Fabricate's no-creature condition would work in this case: Is a dead creature's body considered an “object”?

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