I'm looking for some advice and input on a situation I've found myself in as a player. To give a little background, my gaming group (4 men, 2 women, between the ages of 25 and 32) is about to end a Werewolf: The Apocalypse game that has been going on for 5 years now. There have been in-game and out-of-game issues that have come up along the way; some have been fixed, some have not, but those successes and failures have/can be used to make future game sessions better. But for me there have been a few issues that have left me very unhappy with how the game is ending and completely unmotivated to play anything new.
One of the major problems that's hanging over my head is that I cannot seem to play a character that I can both enjoy playing and that works well with the other characters. I say "play" rather than "create" because I've run into the same problem with different characters. What always happens is that my characters end up treated in some way that results in them spiraling down into depression. It's not that the characters I play are annoying or act negatively against/towards the group; it's just that they never end up getting accepted and constantly have their feelings disregarded by the main group. I've tried to deal with this in-game by making the character's dissatisfaction known in both subtle and blunt ways, but so far that has only resulted in the character being ostracized more. It sort of makes it worse when the other characters expect one of mine to figure out/do something for them because that something is my character's specialty.
Discussing the issue outside of game with the GM has resulted in the suggestion that it might be because my preferred characters are loner types at heart. Not loners in that they want to be off doing their own thing, but more that they tend to depend on themselves first, tend to keep most personal thoughts to themselves, and won't just "go along to get along" if something is bothering them. All my characters also tend to be a bit introverted (probably where the loner-ness comes from) and not the most empathetic. This is not really by design, but rather because that is what I am. I have attempted to play a character that is not those things, but I cannot do so for any extended period of time. It just becomes too much work for me to have to try and logically figure out how that character feels and how to express that properly, because I cannot personally understand the reaction that should be occurring.
I have tried talking to the other players about all of this, but I've sort of run into the same issue as my characters: no one seems to understand my viewpoint very well. It has gotten really frustrating. I know the players don't hate my characters; some of them actually love them because they are very complex, interesting, and different from characters they've interacted with in other games, but yet there is the problem where our characters just seem unable to function together.
Since I have run out of outlets for advice among my friends, I am posting here. So anyone who has run into similar issues in your gaming experience, please share them. Possible solutions or advice would also be nice. I don't know if the problem is just me, the current player/character group dynamic in general (we've had many of each come ago since the start of the game), a bit of both, or something else. I just know that, right now, I feel very discouraged with tabletop gaming.
Also, if you would like me elaborate more on anything I've said ask and I will try to do so the best I can.
I should add that my main character is the group/pack's leader (which was voted on in-game maybe a year in, as the previous packs lost members/players). On several occasions, something pretty bad would happen to the character because of plot and it would really get to her. For instance, she learned that a really close friend of hers was killed by another character she thought she could trust, and because of such, was understandably in a sad mood over it. The rest of the pack were aware of this death and the circumstances, but right after the news was given, other characters just switched topic to what they should be doing the following day and wanted my character to make some decisions on those thoughts then and there.
Now, if something similar happened to another character in the group, there would be discussion about what happened and an attempt to support that character. I have even done such with my character when one of her pack members needed to some time to collect themselves or talk about what was bothering them.
Then, there was also a reoccurring problem where as pack leader I would encourage the other characters to discuss ideas and possible solutions over solving problems, only to have them not really participate in those discussions and then turn around and complain that my character never listens to what they have to say. It was just an endless cycle of them looking at my character to solve all the problems and then getting upset when either not all of those problems were covered to their satisfaction and not saying anything if they didn't like something.
Now, I did not have a problem with all the characters, some of which my character got along with great on an individual level, but her relationship to the group as a whole just deteriorated after multiple instances of the mentioned situations. Which has left me not really knowing if it might just be me and how I think/play or if it might be the group dynamic.
For those mentioning the conflict going on. I will say that my characters have been described as loners by others, and to an extent they are (though I would call one being more socially awkward than a loner). However, they are also of the type who will try to live up to the expectations of responsibility given to them. The character who was the leader was pulled into that position by the other characters and then treated as I have described. This caused the character to get withdrawn and depressed and conclude that being alone is preferable.
I now think that some of my issues might have to do with the current player/character dynamic. In my game, all the characters I have played were made along side a different group of players. Most of which were new to gaming, had played similar games before, or loved the game's concept/system. When the player base changed, the new characters did not mesh as well with the old ones and the new players came from a different gaming background as well. It is possible that the gaming style I developed just does not work well with theirs, and that combined with the characters having been formed at different times resulted in my characters, who had loner/introverted tendencies (but did not shy away from the group), to eventually be ostracized.
For me, the ultimate solution might be to find new people to play with or have a serious discussion with my current group to try and sort stuff out. But, how one deals with those things is a whole other question. I do still welcome people to make suggestions on the general spirit of my question and not just my specific situation.
Best Answer
"A practical man can always make what he wants to do look like a noble sacrifice of personal inclinations to the welfare of the community. I've decided that I've got to be practical myself, and that's one of the rules. How about breakfast?" The Pirates of Ersatz, Murray Leinster
From your question I noticed a few things. Nominally, I completely agree with @mxyzplk's answer, so this should be in the way of an addendum.
It sucks to be the leader
In a RPG, it just completely sucks to be the leader. Most players when confronted with a plan, remember about fifteen percent of it for the first fifteen minutes. But they'll certainly remember when you deviate. Leaders get no additional responsibility and no perquisites, but they get all the blame.
In the military this is mitigated with the clear distinction between commissioned and non-commissioned officers. Not least because the isolation provides both support structures and necessary emotional distance (to a degree, of course). Being "elected" leader, especially with the pack dynamics of typical werewolf games is an extremely dubious honour that I'd flatly reject.
The fact that while you may be leader in character but not dominant over the player group makes things even stickier. You need to assert authority within the realm of the narrative without actually having that authority in reality. Again, something that will cause friction and resentment any way you cut it.
Depressing environments bleed emotions into play
The world of darkness does what it says on the tin. Having played in a horror game myself recently, the iconic themes of the world of darkness do not make for "happy" or, for that matter, validating game experiences in the main. (And, if they do, it's a violation of genre.) When you are faced with the stresses of being "leader" which are compounded by the stressors of the philosophies baked into the setting, no wonder you're having a rough time.
Some solutions:
On leadership:
Fundamentally, a gaming group is a relationship. Bad relationships that do not provide validation are a drain on mental and emotional resources. When they don't work, cut them off or change them. In your case, I'd play a game that's a bit lighter in tone and focus: a nice traditional dungeon crawl or similar heroic fantasy.
I'd also reject the leader role for all the reasons I outlined above. Or, if they force it upon you, demand the perquisites and authority that is concomitant with it: they can't have it both ways.
On the group:
I've found that group character creation creates a far more cohesive group. By having entangled backstories, the group can draw upon a deeper understanding of each others' characters, creating the basis for empathy and respect within the characters, instead of the necessary simulacrum imposed by players.
By articulating desired tropes, a "palette" (as Microscope) calls it, before the game begins, you'll be able to shape the narrative of the group in directions that you want to play. This allows you to avoid the nominally depressive tropes that come default with the setting (not limited to world of darkness) and describe a source for future characters to connect with the current group. Replacement characters, if they tie into the shared narrative, will continue to maintain the tropes and social trust.
Be practical:
As players, we shape our narratives to an amazing degree. Emulate Bron Hoddan in the Pirates of Ersatz. While playing, you will be aware of the desired practical outcome that will provide validation and satisfy your personal goals. With that outcome in mind, you then frame it in terms that suit both your character's narrative and the expected narratives of the other players such that they will act to reinforce your framing and thereby your outcome. If you fight their narrative control by "being a loner," it is difficult to achieve your own goals. If you help them work as a team and appear to sacrifice nobly on their behalf while executing your own goals... the entire process is smoother and more effective.
Note that I am not saying to lie. Instead, consider the causal constructions of your actions, the explanations for those actions to be an aspect of the role * separate* from the actions themselves. By manipulating the framing as well as the actions, you can provide the necessary hooks for the other players to support your version of reality, rather than rejecting it and, by extension, you.
Postscript
Looking at your comments to other questions, you should absolutely give this group two last tries. In the first trial (of one or two games), try a heroic romp where you can be "Big Damn Heroes." Require the players who need the spotlight be leader. In the second trial (again of one or two games), try a game where players can intrigue against each other (I'd recommend Ars Magica, but then again I recommend it for most things. Most games support PvP intrigue quite ably.) If neither game provides the validation you need and the spotlight the other players need, move on. Before you do anything, take a month break, sit down, relax, and try to game with some strangers. I'm pretty sure that if you go looking for games in the chat section of this site... someone will oblige. For more on the framing problem, I'd quite recommend Rule 34 by Stross, as it describes it in a delicious narrative context.