[RPG] When and how should I get the players to cut back on their out of character chatter

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I like that my players have all become such good friends. But they're all louder than me. We end up just chatting and hanging out more than gaming because I can't get them to stop having out of character conversations.

I've tried giving them time before the game starts. I figured that that would let them get it out of their system. I think this has actually made things worse because it gives the conversation time to build momentum.

I've also tried to get them to socialize more outside of game. It's obvious that they're excited to see each other since we only get together every two weeks to play. But it's a lot harder to get 6 people together just to hang out than it is for a game.

Finally, I have considered that my game may be boring. If that's the case, fine. However I'm still interested in figuring out ways to control out of character conversations, so for the sake of this question, please assume that the game sessions are not at fault.

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One factor I forgot to mention at first is that one of the players smokes. This means that once an hour we take a break and other conversations start up while people are outside. Then I have to overcome the outside conversation again to get the game going. When possible I do roleplaying outside, so that the smoke breaks aren't an interruption, but the game session doesn't always cater to my friend's nicotine cravings. Would it be rude to continue the game while he's outside instead of letting it get derailed each time he needs a smoke?

Best Answer

First, the generic advice:

  1. Plan for it. [You do this.] Set aside the first 30-60 minutes for chat.
  2. Hold your players' interest with an exciting game. [You are doing this.] If they're chatting, frankly, then they'd rather be chatting than playing. Make them more interested in playing than chatting by making your game more interesting. Is there a lot of downtime between "spotlight" time for any given player? Include more in-game activities that engage every player at the same time.
  3. Create a ritual for starting play. Do something distinctive every game when it's time to start playing: ring a bell, roll some dice, stand up, say "And thus it begins..."
  4. Ask players questions. Telling players to stop doesn't engage them. Asking them questions gets their attention and demands a response.

You've done some of these things (planning for it, not having a boring game). Have you asked them why they're more interested in chatting than gaming? Are you the only one who really wants to game?

Consider this: Stop GMing for them. Just join their chat. After a while -- maybe an hour or two -- they'll either ask you to run the game (and you can do so with the caveat that as soon as the chat picks up, you'll stop) or you'll realize that they're there to socialize, not to play games. If it's the latter, maybe you should play poker or something else that is more amenable to idle talk.

Smoking: It's not rude to continue to game while your friend smokes. It's rude if your friend expects everyone to stop what they're doing 4-5 times while you're gaming -- even if he MUST smoke every hour. Offer a scheduled five-minute break for everyone at regular intervals. Outside those breaks, continue playing as well as you can without absent players. Hey, people have to use the bathroom and get drinks and stuff, but these don't have to be game-stopping interruptions; neither does a smoke break.

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