Disclaimer: I have never played DnD 4th Edition.
There seem to be two different things this player is doing that are causing a problem for you, and I'm going to address them separately. I'll start with the simpler of the two.
Your player wants to contradict the rules.
He made a Dragonborn fighter, and since that moment he's been complaining about how he lacks low-light vision but our elf and halfing have it.
... he argued it was illogical it wasn't weak to fire powers since light sources should damage him, and so on.
He's also been asking for Rebuke Undead on the Cleric to become like the original where he can use it as a ritual and one-shot undeads ...
In these situations your player wants something he liked in other games, or because he feels it "makes sense" in the real world. For this, you're going to have to come down on the side of the rules here. The innate abilities of races, the separation of elemental damage types, and the design of combat powers are all a part of the game's balance. To give him these things would be unfair to the other players, who are working within the limits set up by the system.
Now, your player isn't going to like this, because he wants to do more "cool" stuff and his view is clearly that the system is holding him back in this respect. This brings us to the second part.
Your player wants to expand the rules.
Also, he seems to fail to understand Powers hold no real trole playing value,
as he's been trying to cut ropes with fire at-will powers during sequences,
trying to make the Psion use Far Hand or Far Push to impulse him thru gaps to
den "exhale smoke" from his mind and use an at-will to burn wood, all of it on
a skill challenge. He also tried to make the sorceror use Dragonfrost At-Will
to extinguish lanters during a fight, that they could do my standing besides
them and using a Minor Action.
Now, where above there was some real risk of your player unbalancing himself with respect to the other players and diminishing their fun, here the player is asking for things that can make the game fun for everyone. He's chafing at the idea that combat powers can't possibily be used out of combat. Why? Because it doesn't make sense.
You should allow the player to use his combat powers out of combat. There is a nice article preserved by the Internet Archive on this. The relevant tweaks are:
- Make your players explain how the power fits. Sometimes just the name of the power alone will fit the situation, but allow your players flexibility. As long as they explain how that power represents the character’s approach and mindset, everything is going well.
- Give them a bonus. Don’t give anything for at-wills, or your ranger is going to constantly be “twin-striking” in conversation. An encounter is worth +2 to a skill check, and a Daily is worth +6. Why so much? Because the PC is going to expend that power, and if they are expending a daily power to accomplish something, they should stand a good chance of success.
The gist of it is that powers do something, and they should certainly also do that something outside of combat. If he wants to try and burn an object with a combat fire power, then treat it as an attack on the object. Just because there's a non-power way of doing something doesn't mean that you have to stop the players from having fun with it.
Your player wants to have fun.
Your ultimate goal at the table isn't to enforce the rules as laid out by Wizards of the Coast. Your ultimate goal is to have a good time with your friends. If you deviate from the rules in little ways that don't harm the balance of the game in order to make it more fun, then so much the better to you.
If you adopt the bonus rule quoted above, share it with your players. You might find they'll do more interesting things out of combat with this reward. And they'll know that using an at-will won't have any mechanical benefit, but it could still seem awesome.
I find it's always best to err on the side of awesome.
I have a lot of experience with players that act that way. I've had a player like that, at one time or another, so often that it sounds like you're describing my old games.
The one thing I will mention is that this is obviously something out of character related. She is frustrated, annoyed, angry, depressed, or some other emotion about something. And she's taking it out on the game. Since you only have four people and one of them has to be a DM, it's a hard situation to deal with.
This gets a bit into interpersonal skills and might not really be the best place to talk about this, but since you seem to be having a problem, here's what I can offer.
She doesn't want to play the game
It's very obvious from just the first two instances you posted that the player genuinely doesn't want to play the game. Playing a game is about getting into character and rolling with the punches. No plan will be perfect, your character won't know everything, and you're going to get into situations that you are not prepared for. Dealing with all of that is what makes the game fun. It's clear that she just wants to auto-pilot and coast through every scene. And you throwing wrenches into the plans is causing her to get aggravated. This is because she doesn't really want to 'play'.
She doesn't know what it means to roleplay
Maybe she's new to role playing completely, which is an option. If that's the case, she's having a large disconnect with what she 'thinks' she knows and what she actually knows. There is something to be said for a character actually having knowledge of a situation. But then, there's the world-building aspect. There are certain things that the DM will decide that the player has no control over. In fact, this should usually happen. And a player can discuss with a DM about the things they do and don't know or how they should and shouldn't act. But it should never be a case of 'I would never do X' when it's clearly against her character.
She doesn't want to play your particular quest line
I don't know your party dynamic, but it seems like she's poking holes in your game without reason. There is ample place for a party to get involved and have fun doing something in the scenario you've set you. However, she's actively making a character-breaking decision to not go along with the party. The group around the table should NEVER have to discuss for hours about going one place or another. This is a side affect of trying to pull a stubborn mule. The mule doesn't want to go and is going to make everyone else miserable as they try to drag it somewhere it doesn't want to go. And that's what she's being, a stubborn mule. It seems she doesn't want to play your particular side quest, for whatever reason. Maybe she liked the other DM better? Maybe she has something against you? I really can't say, as I don't know your friends.
The Solution
Since you have such a small group and you guys seem to be in the middle of a campaign that someone else is technically running, your options are limited. I would tell you to just let her know that her actions are pretty destructive to everyone's fun and inform her that she's not welcome if she's going to be a petulant child (use better words then that). But, you'd be down a player in the middle of a campaign, and that could hurt your friendship and game.
My suggestion would be to sit down with her, one on one, and talk to her about what's bugging her about the game. She might go over the little details and reiterate what she's said in game, but try to push past that and get to the root of the problem. See what she's really upset about. Maybe home troubles? Maybe someone at the game is frustrating her? Try to figure out possible ways you can tailor the game more to what she's feeling. Maybe she's sick of playing the previous type of character or it's not what she was hoping for. That happens. Try to work with her to either play something different or focus the game more on what she could like doing (keeping in mind the other players interests as well).
One thing I wouldn't suggest is an intervention. Those end badly, simply because the player will feel everyone is ganging up on her and alienating her from the group. Try to keep it one on one with her and let her know that you're just trying to help her have a good time.
Best Answer
Tell them what the problem is, give suggestions on how to fix it, define a set of rules, and if they don't follow kick them out.
First, set expectations. Good gaming practice is to have a session zero that goes over not just house rules, tone, theme, character building, but also table rules, like 'no cellphones' or 'keep chatter to a min'. It's too late to do that this time, but not too late to have a conversation.
Before the next game say you want to have a discussion about table behavior. Perhaps do it online since these players don't show up regularly. Bring up the problems that are happening in the game(though do your best not to make it an attack on these players, because that increases the chance they'll get defensive and it will end in an argument). Explain that you want the game to run smoothly and in order to do that, you need X, where X is a certain amount of agreed attendance (or a way to mitigate lack of attendance, such as characters that are designed to disappear and reappear and are OK not knowing whole swathes of plot) and a certain respect for the game at the table. Suggest what rules you're OK with and elicit feedback. Make sure you don't end the discussion without saying, "These are the rules and this is what I'm holding you to." Total agreement is the goal but since this appears to be your game it's not necessary. Just make sure you have a reasonable set of rules most of the group is OK with.
When people start breaking the rules, pull them aside and mention it privately later. During the game simply ask them to tighten up a bit. If it's rare, give them more chances. If it's frequent, boot them when they have broken the rules 3 times or so, depending on how severely disruptive they are. If they kill a whole game session after the talk, once is enough. You want to make sure you give them a chance, recognizing that they may be trying but not good at it. One of the problems with RPG's is that they are also often friend hangout time and most people want to relax and enjoy hanging, not do serious 'game face' acting the whole time. There needs to be a balance but that includes recognizing that slipping into bad gaming behaviors is an easy habit to acquire. The important part is that they are trying, getting better, and not being overly disruptive. They need to show respect for the game and those who want to take it seriously as well.
This is the rule I follow whenever I run a game; it works very well. My group is particularly bad at showing up and not being disruptive. When other people step into the GM role it tends to be much worse, sometimes we lose whole sessions doing almost nothing. Because I set expectations no one is mad when I enforce them. Because I talk to people separately they are less likely to be defensive and more receptive to my point of view. I've never had to kick anyone out either. They will generally leave on their own if they can't follow the rules because they aren't having the type of fun they want; it essentially becomes a mutual break up. That may not work in your case depending on how mature these players are but mine are hardly the most emotionally developed.