Learn English – Rewrite a paragraph more sophisticated

subjunctivesvocabularyword-request

I want to write this paragraph in my project proposal:

I have the intention of improving this paper and I want to do this Improve in one of these 3 subjects:
1) modelling
2) simulation
3) ….

I want these text to seem more sophisticated and I have some questions about what I've got so far:
1) Is the word "subject" appropriate here?
2) Can I use "have the intention of…" or it is supposed to use only in the negative form?
3) Can I replace "I want to do this Improve…" with a better phrase

Best Answer

I'll answer these questions in reverse order:

3) Can I replace "I want to do this Improve..." with a better phrase?

Yes; improve is a verb, not a noun. Therefore, you should say, "I want to do this improvement..."

2) Can I use "have the intention of..." or it is supposed to use only in the negative form?

You can use this, but it's unnecessarily wordy. This time, you should consider using more direct language, by switching from the verb to the noun: "I intend to improve this paper"

1) Is the word "subject" appropriate here?

Perhaps, and perhaps not. All we know about these "subjects" right now is that we have two examples: "modelling" and "simulation." How are these referred to within your area of expertise? Are they subjects? Areas? Fields? Domains? A project proposal often uses specialized language, and you should use the term that is most fitting for your area of study.

Lastly, there's this:

I want these text to seem more sophisticated...

That's a bad goal, particularly if you're not a native English speaker. You should be striving for simplicity and clarity, not "sophistication." It's a gift to be able to write concisely without muddling up your text with unnecessarily complex words. You don't want to oversimplify your text – if you need to use a sophisticated word, then do so, but you should be doing that to make your message more clear for your intended audience, not just to add an element of sophistication.

Here's my recommendation, based on what I see so far (although I may be misinterpreting what you are trying to convey):

I intend to improve this paper by delving deeper into one of these 3 areas:

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