I'll describe a situation that might sound random and sudden, but I'm sure we keep seeing now and then; I'd like to know if there's any suitable adjective that you can think of. 'Oily' and 'smarmy' were suggested by a friend, but perhaps there is a better word?
Say I donate an expensive machine to a nearby grocery shop, or I perform some huge and helpful favour that really makes them indebted to me. They, out of gratitude, offer to keep giving me free products. I insist otherwise, that they mustn't be so conscious of me, and that I insist on paying each time. One day I buy something and don't have the whole amount. I sweetly request them if it's okay by them if I pay the remainder in the evening. They know I'm good for it, it's obviously okay with them, a ridiculous request perhaps, and even I know that they'll say yes. Nevertheless I have a polite and humble way of asking for the credit. It's not a genuine query, but I still make it sound like I'm earnestly requesting.
Any adjective for the forced humility/politeness in such a situation where one knows one can't be refused? Perhaps similar 'benefit of doubt' is displayed by superstars — say, when Tom Cruise walks up to a hotel rece and says "Excuse me. Hi, my name is Tom Cruise…"
Best Answer
The two examples you give seem to me quite different. In the first case, you're saying that you've done them a favor and they owe you, and yet you politely word requests in a deferential manner. The famous actor example seems quite different, like they have to give him what he wants because he's rich and famous and powerful, not because he has done anything for them personally.
"Oily" and "smarmy" are definitely NOT appropriate terms for the first case. Both have very negative connotations. These words are normally used to describe a salesman or a politician who pretends to really care about the other person but is in fact being completely selfish and usually deceitful.
Perhaps words that would fit here are "unassuming" or "unpretentious". These mean to not take advantage of one's position or to insist on the respect or deference that one is arguably entitled to.
The case of the actor seems entirely the opposite: he is demanding excessive respect for his social status. I'd call that "pretentious" or "presumptuous".