I am a new D&D player and was having a blast playing with my friends. We are all new to this, including our GM, and it's been so much fun. When we do critical hits, he plays a Power Ranger-like song and we all celebrate with this silly dance.
Anyway, I liked it so much that I reached out for a new group so I could play more. I did find a new one that was currently in progress and the story that was presented to me as a brief discord pinned text was something like: there's a church order that exist to maintain order in the world and fight against evil.
Seeing this description and that the group that I was entering (there are like, 3 groups that share a common world) had no healing source, I decided to make a cleric to heal them. My boyfriend, who is also new to the game, made an Elf wizard.
The GM then gave me an important letter to deliver to some city and to stop by in a small village that the other players happen to be there. I was attacked and eventually we all met each other. Long story short, they were two tieflings and a barbarian. My boyfriend dropped unconscious and the barbarian stole his items, the tieflings despised me for being anti-christ or something like that, almost tried to kill me. The DM then made a demon appear on some church and told the other players that all that fight was happening because of something that I was carrying, which was the letter that I had to send to the other city. The barbarian took the letter from me and read that the church was going to kill those who were not pure blood in the church or something like that. I actually thought that was a cool way to put the story together, from the game perspective. The demon then asked if they would join their side which they accepted without much hesitation.
Now, please, enlighten me.
My first reflection was that those guys were playing selfishly. My boyfriend did get healed by one of them but he didn't got his stolen crossbow back. They even stole his robe. We all just met that day and maybe I was expecting more… group behaviour, you know? I had this assumption that we were bonding as a group and should do stuff together.
Anyway, should I have just told something like "you know what? forget that I'm actually good and let's just go to the demon side, even though I'm only alive because of the church" and tell my bf just to put those acts of stealing all in the past, that we should move on to carry on with the group.
I even tried to stop them from stealing from him, but they threw an axe next to me and they were all lvl 3.
There were 2 DMS, one was watching so he could help the group later. After the session, they kinda congratulated the barbarian because of her roleplay. I felt I was in a harsh position for my character to do anything at all and I just couldn't imagine get going after what they did to my BF. He seemed actually less upset than myself but I found that extremely disrespectful. How we are supposed to play in a group if we are not a group? Two of the players were new to the game as well.
I couldn't actually look at them with the same eyes after the session too. I mean, to some degree (and most of it) you ARE your character, right?
Needless to say I got really frustrated by this experience and thought that RPG was just fun because I was doing with my friends in the first place… we all share loot, gold, experience… on my first group, we had to feed people to a demon and there's a girl who is good and she couldn't stand it so she just didn't look, because it was our only way of leaving the dungeon.
I am pretty confused right now… would you guys kindly give me some clarification?
Best Answer
You are not overreacting.
Your reaction is normal. If you are used to a team-based RPG, and you encounter a "every PC for themselves" party, and are not aware that this is the basic tone of that group, it can be frustrating and off-putting.
You have three courses of action available.
Let the group know that you are not interested in a group that does not play as a team. And if they don't care then walk. Not all groups of people are a great fit, as each person may get their fun in a different way. (I tend to be more of the "we are a team" player). It will be worth your while, before the next play session, to contact the other players and let them know that your experience has been team play, and that you found the lack of team play a buzz kill. See how they respond.
Embrace the jerkness and give as good as you got. Now that you know what the group norms are, you can adapt your play style and, when the opportunity presents itself, do as was done to you and your BF.
Form an alliance with your BF and have each other's back
Your BF was apparently not as upset as you were, and if playing with your BF is the key attraction to this, then option 2 or option 3 is the course of action you have available. If your BF is also willing to walk, then it is possible that you can both find another play group that is more to your taste.
You are playing with players who are not team-oriented players. Now that you know, only you can decide if it is worth your time, or not, to spend time with them.
Discuss the way ahead with your BF.
They are the best sounding board for this situation, as they are in it, and we, the strangers on the internet, are not.
About In Character and Out of Character behavior
Yes and no.
On the one hand, a character cannot do anything unless a player makes a choice and has their character do {a thing} during play. This article about making the tough decisions may be useful background for you. As Medix2 pointed out in a comment under your question, there is also the matter of "My Guy Syndrome" that crops up from time to time.
On the other hand, depending on the social contract at a given table, the role player takes on the role of someone who is not them, and can do good or evil as the character without the player being someone who is evil. For example, I have role played an assassin in an RPG although I am not one IRL. I have also made decisions with a different set of moral baselines as an evil PC than I do as a real person. The ability to compartmentalize between the Character and the Player, and the amount of immersion each player cares for, varies from player to player.
In all sincerity, this is a separate topic in its own right about which much has been written.