[RPG] How to approach a stifling DM

The goal of the tactics below is to inform the GM what behaviours produce a good enjoyable game for all (point 2), what behaviours they should adjust (point 3), as well as (point 1) to try to make them aware of the fact that they have a different role at the table as the GM (as judge, as arbiter of fair, and as the interpreter and controller or rules) in addition to the role they had as a player (to have fun, to try to not ruin the fun of others)

It's unclear from the description if this person is new to GMing or not. This may be a case of the person GMing in the only manner they know how to play. This will be easier if that is the case, but even if not, my approach in this scenario is to use all of the following:

1) "Catch him in the act" ... When an attack roll that used to miss now hits, ask why. Accept the answer, but make sure to question every time. The idea here is to make the GM know that they are expected to play by rules (for the purpose of asking that the GM follow rules, what actual rules doesn't matter, just that they need to play by some rules).

2) Reinforcing (positive) Feedback ... When there is an encounter that runs right, talk it up. Say how fun it was. Say how tense it was. Point out swings that appear to happen naturally and how they produce story. The goal here is obvious - to encourage more of the good stuff.

3) Adjusting Feedback ... (which it sounds like you are at least attempting) When things are not right, tell the GM - after the fact is fine - you're not out to embarrass or insult, but to get the GM to be better next session - but make sure to say both why the encounter was not as fun as it could have been (the on-the-fly adjustments made it feel like deus ex machina, rather than real tension, with a real chance of failure) AND most importantly, what would have made it better (if the uber-whip-dude had been a little less tough, the start of the fight would have been easier, but the end of the fight would have been a tense touch and go affair)

Probably the simplest way of thinking about this reduces down to four basic scenarios, two of which we'll be able to eliminate immediately.

• The players and the GM both think the GM is doing a good job.
• The players think the GM is doing well, but the GM doesn't.
• The players and the GM both think the GM is doing a bad job.
• The players think the GM is doing poorly, but the GM doesn't.

The first two, assuming you are speaking for the entire group, are almost certainly untrue. (The second one seems a little odd, but I've seen it happen. We all know GMing can be hard work, and issues of introversion, stage fright, etc can cause anxiety in the GM even though the players are all fine with the GM's job.)

So the first part of helping to fix this is to figure out which of the second two cases you are actually in. I see signs of both in your description. "you know...a lot about them," seems like something most GMs, even beginners, would realize as an inadequate answer in one sense or another. On the other hand, "Outside of game he seems really excited about his story," possibly suggests that he thinks everything is going fine.

In my experience, people who want to do something well, and realize that they aren't, may be more receptive to criticism than people who think they are doing just fine, thank you very much. The latter case may involve shattering some illusions.

Another important thing to realize is that people get better at things due to experience (which this GM manifestly does not have a lot of) due to research (which you have done but this GM probably has not, as he is new at this) and due to constructive criticism and helpful feedback. Especially in a performative art like GMing, it is hard to know if you are really hitting your target without feedback from the audience, and that feedback is both the GM's responsibility to pick up on, and the players' responsibility to provide, without crushing his ego.

All of that pre-amble leads to a central notion of communicating better with your GM both in-game and out-game, but doing so gently.

In-game, you can do things like:

• Ask for more of what you want to see. But that does mean asking rather than telling. In your example about the bugbears, you started with asking but reverted to filling in details, feeding them to the GM and getting ratification. It'll be awkward, and it can be overdone, but getting these details to flow from the GM instead of you is key.

• In-game, a few mild pointers on mechanics and craft might help, e.g., "Should we really be making those perception checks ourselves? I shouldn't really know my own roll for that, should I?"

• In-game and out-game, as a veteran player and GM who is trying to be a model player, I would try very hard to get myself aligned with what this GM finds interesting. This may very well be confounded by the GM himself, but there may be a dynamic going here, where the GM feels obligated to put filler material (for verisimilitude; for mechanical reasons-- to expend a certain amount of your resources, say; for pacing reasons, etc) but is not actually that interested in it himself. The bugbear example might be a case of that, too-- GM feels obligated to put in filler, you feel obligated to follow up on it, no one is happy.

• Out-game, praise what you like. I cannot say this strongly enough, so I will shout: OUT-GAME, PRAISE WHAT YOU LIKE. Your GM is not a mind-reader and there is no better way to get his attention than just telling him, "Man, when X and Y happened, and you described Z doing W, that was just awesome!"

• Out-game, depending on your answer to the initial question (does he think he's doing well or not) you can always offer to give him a straight-up set of opinions on what went well and what went bad. But it helps immensely to have a feel for how receptive he is to hearing the downsides, and you should be aware that gentleness goes a long way, here.

• Out-game, you can always just ask your GM what parts of the game he finds most interesting, and if there are any things you can do as a player to help focus on the interesting parts.