[RPG] How to DM mind control effects without angering the friends

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I have a bit of a problem, particularly relating to a custom monster I created. D&D has a lot of effects and abilities that change a character's behavior, ranging from a simple intimidate check to a spell in the Book of Vile Darkness called "Mind Rape" that lets the caster entirely rewrite their target's consciousness. This monster that I created, Mind Rape is exactly the kind of ability she would use, it's entirely consistent with her nature and concept. The problem is that I'm afraid if I so much as make an intimidate check against a player, my friends are not only going to stop being my friends, they're going to flat-out crucify me. How, as a DM, can I run a game that includes fear effects, confusion effects, charms, and compulsions without my friends hating me for controlling them?

Best Answer

Fundamentally, this is about learning player expectations and limits. You said it yourself, here:

The problem is that I'm afraid if I so much as make an intimidate check against a player, my friends are not only going to stop being my friends, they're going to flat-out crucify me. How, as a DM, can I run a game that includes fear effects, confusion effects, charms, and compulsions without my friends hating me for controlling them?

There's only one real way to answer that.

Ask Them

What type of game do they want to play in? Is it one where effects like mind rape are in play, or one without any form of mind affecting spells, or something in between? You're afraid to use it because you don't know, and the only way to get past that fear is to talk to them about it.

Maybe they really do hate this type of thing. If that's the case, you'll want to seriously consider avoiding using such an effect (making your players uncomfortable with something like this won't help your game). Maybe they're perfectly okay with it. It's not something we can answer for you, because we don't know them. With that kind of effect, there are a lot of different player reactions.

It could be as simple as sitting down as a group, explaining what mind rape does, then asking if they'd be okay with that effect being used in game. If they tell you they have out of character problems with it, then that answers your question. If they say it's fine, that likely also answers your question, so long as they're not just saying that to conform. I'd encourage anyone with an issue to speak up privately if they don't feel comfortable doing it in the group setting. You can also ask them one on one via email or messaging if you have players shy to speak up in front of the group.

There are tools out there to help with that conversation, and this question's answers can help you with that. I'd suggest you take a look there for tips.

Personal Experience

With my players, I would never use mind rape. They invest a lot of time and effort into their characters, and get attached to them. If they die in heroic combat? Okay. If the player does something foolish and that gets them killed? They tend to be able to accept that in time. (One of my players wants me to try to kill him, because he wants it to be a real challenge so the triumph means that much more.)

But what mind rape does is more insidious, and it alters their carefully created character in ways that can very easily make it not-fun to play for them. I won't deliberately make the game not fun for my players, so I just won't use it.

I will use spells like charm, as that's a temporary effect that can be fun to roleplay, and my players readily accept that. They also have been known to use it.

I've played in other games with players who wouldn't have a problem with it, though. It really depends on the player.

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