I have a D&D 5e game that I've been running for a year that is on pause because some players don't want to play online or go outside (stupid plague ruining my tabletop). So I offered my son and the player who still does small gatherings a filler game. My son picked Star Wars, I agreed. He told his adult sister, who wanted to come over with her boyfriend to join. During session zero I warned that Star Wars canon, for me, is the original trilogy and the original rulebooks from West End Games (1987).
In no time the boyfriend was saying his character is the cousin of Dash Rendar (who?) because that's his favorite character. He defends his expectation because he bought himself a Dash Rendar miniature. Then, 4 sessions in, he wanted me to replace his ship, despite my effort to give him stats, background, drawings and floorplan, with Dash Rendar's ship, because he bought a miniature for it (after having the other ship for a couple sessions). There is also the expectation that I make Dash a major NPC in my game, and give him Dash's guns and equipment, and something about a planet; I stopped listening. I've never had a player like this (in 35 years). He's not belligerent when I point the lines of 'few', 'minor' or 'cosmetic', or session zero. He just repeats the requests endlessly. And argues that they are still few, minor and cosmetic. And that's just the character he wants to play. And he doesn't see how making the game "enjoyable for him" should be such a hassle for me. It's completely poisoning the game for me, I don't even want to judge it anymore.
So to resolve it (dodge it entirely), I asked them if they would like to join my D&D game when social distancing stops or pauses or lightens or whatever. I thought it would help because they don't have history with Forgotten Realms, so there wouldn't be the crossed expectations. Since my son and his uncle are in both games, we could do some side adventures to level them up to toward the existing party, learn the rules and explain their characters' relationships with the existing party. They said yes, and made D&D Beyond accounts to join my campaign. The boyfreind made a Warlock Hexblade. I was stoked to have eliminated the problem.
But now he doesn't want to have anything to do with the Raven Queen, he wants me to replace her with some guy named Leoric from Diablo 2 because that's his favorite console game. And I need to modify Shadowfell to be more like Diablo 2. And ALL of his spells and features and feats need a necromantic effect that mimic his favorite spells from the video game. I don't want to hardline him, because I made concessions for every player, they just stopped demanding additional changes somewhere around 'totally reasonable.' And like my experience in the Star Wars game, a few concessions have already resulted in the expectation of more, more, MORE!
I pushed back, and he said that he wants to replace him with a Necromancer like Raistlin from DragonLance. Head:0, Brick Wall: Infinity
I am teetering on the edge of just telling him that I don't try to play his PC, so he shouldn't try to rewrite my game, and he's welcome to go find another table where he can play Dash Leoric or whatever. Am I actually wrong, does this fall under the umbrella of 'the judge's first job is making the game fun for the players' or is this guy hijacking my agency as creator and judge? If I am right, and discussing it does not work, what's the next thing to try?
It does NOT help that it was my own dumb ass that invited my daughter's boyfriend into my game in the first place. 🙂
Best Answer
DMs are allowed to have fun
You have to tell him that and please do not beat about the bush. He needs to have that truth given to him: his behavior has already ruined one game (Star Wars) for you. If the judge/referee/GM/DM isn't having fun then there's not going to be a game. If everyone else can play within your boundaries, and he can't, he needs to be told that the invitation is no longer open.
You may need to generate the support of the other players on that - games are a social activity and RPGs are that to a larger degree than some board games or party games. So, get them on your side before it comes up again.
There's a related Q&A to yours here that may offer you some more points on where to fold in player ideas for D&D 5e world building. If a player has a good idea for the game world that fits into your general cosmology/game world, I'd say Embrace It. But if it doesn't fit then it doesn't fit.
For D&D 5e: the DM is the ultimate authority on the game world
The Players Handbook is pretty clear about that
Take out the book, and show him that page. Have him read it aloud to you. (OK this may or may not make an impression, but it's worth a try). Some people need to be "battered by the obvious."
And then simply tell him that his characters need to be within whatever bounds you have established. "No, just what's in the book and what I am happy with" needs to be repeated again and again and again as he keeps trying to beat the DM at world-building.
Tell him no. And don't back down.
Tell him no, and don't back down. You are being pushed. Coolaborative world building can be fun, but it also requires consensus. If you don't want the world to be like Diablo 2, then this suggestion won't be adapted.
Tell him no, and don't back down. And then tell him directly: "I don't like being pushed like that, it's rude" or words to that effect.
The come back I suggest is: "You want to make a Necromancer? OK, make a wizard, School of Necromancy. As you go up in level, your PC's story and adventures will be unique; Raistlin's story has already been written. Let's see what story comes out of {PC name}'s adventures."
This seems to have become a contest of wills. And here another appeal to the other players to keep the game fun for you also is not out of line.
"Being constantly harassed like this is not fun for me. I don't get paid enough for this" - is a sentiment I've seen numerous DMs and GMs express over the years. In some cases the players got the message; in other cases the games ended.
Or, turn the tables
Invite him to DM. Roll up a character. And then don't do as he did to you, simply play. Teach by demonstration.
Will it work? That's hard to say; I don't know this guy. I've seen being polite and truthful work on numerous occasions. It will depend on the personalities involved and what other social relationships are active in your small group.
Are you wrong?
No. DMs are allowed to have fun too.
A key thing to bring up is that (1) the game's structure is a case of incrementally increasing the power of the PC a bit at a time and (2) it isn't a video game. Make that a focus of your conversation.
It's your game world, not the game world of Blizzard Incorporated. I've played all three Diablo games and love them; but you aren't required to. Player contribution to world building can be fun, and can offload some of a DMs work, but it needs to fit within your overall scheme.