I've been in a game for a while and I've been distracted for several sessions because the game simply hasn't been very interesting to me. The setting and story set by the GM aren't very gripping and the other players have some coherency issues that makes teamwork a little troublesome. I'm just sort of burnt out on the game. The group consists of friends I've had for about 12 years now. How do I back out of a long-term game with friends gracefully?
[RPG] How to quit a long-term game gracefully
group-dynamicsparting-ways-with-playerssocial
Related Solutions
"A practical man can always make what he wants to do look like a noble sacrifice of personal inclinations to the welfare of the community. I've decided that I've got to be practical myself, and that's one of the rules. How about breakfast?" The Pirates of Ersatz, Murray Leinster
From your question I noticed a few things. Nominally, I completely agree with @mxyzplk's answer, so this should be in the way of an addendum.
It sucks to be the leader
In a RPG, it just completely sucks to be the leader. Most players when confronted with a plan, remember about fifteen percent of it for the first fifteen minutes. But they'll certainly remember when you deviate. Leaders get no additional responsibility and no perquisites, but they get all the blame.
In the military this is mitigated with the clear distinction between commissioned and non-commissioned officers. Not least because the isolation provides both support structures and necessary emotional distance (to a degree, of course). Being "elected" leader, especially with the pack dynamics of typical werewolf games is an extremely dubious honour that I'd flatly reject.
The fact that while you may be leader in character but not dominant over the player group makes things even stickier. You need to assert authority within the realm of the narrative without actually having that authority in reality. Again, something that will cause friction and resentment any way you cut it.
Depressing environments bleed emotions into play
The world of darkness does what it says on the tin. Having played in a horror game myself recently, the iconic themes of the world of darkness do not make for "happy" or, for that matter, validating game experiences in the main. (And, if they do, it's a violation of genre.) When you are faced with the stresses of being "leader" which are compounded by the stressors of the philosophies baked into the setting, no wonder you're having a rough time.
Some solutions:
On leadership:
Fundamentally, a gaming group is a relationship. Bad relationships that do not provide validation are a drain on mental and emotional resources. When they don't work, cut them off or change them. In your case, I'd play a game that's a bit lighter in tone and focus: a nice traditional dungeon crawl or similar heroic fantasy.
I'd also reject the leader role for all the reasons I outlined above. Or, if they force it upon you, demand the perquisites and authority that is concomitant with it: they can't have it both ways.
On the group:
I've found that group character creation creates a far more cohesive group. By having entangled backstories, the group can draw upon a deeper understanding of each others' characters, creating the basis for empathy and respect within the characters, instead of the necessary simulacrum imposed by players.
By articulating desired tropes, a "palette" (as Microscope) calls it, before the game begins, you'll be able to shape the narrative of the group in directions that you want to play. This allows you to avoid the nominally depressive tropes that come default with the setting (not limited to world of darkness) and describe a source for future characters to connect with the current group. Replacement characters, if they tie into the shared narrative, will continue to maintain the tropes and social trust.
Be practical:
As players, we shape our narratives to an amazing degree. Emulate Bron Hoddan in the Pirates of Ersatz. While playing, you will be aware of the desired practical outcome that will provide validation and satisfy your personal goals. With that outcome in mind, you then frame it in terms that suit both your character's narrative and the expected narratives of the other players such that they will act to reinforce your framing and thereby your outcome. If you fight their narrative control by "being a loner," it is difficult to achieve your own goals. If you help them work as a team and appear to sacrifice nobly on their behalf while executing your own goals... the entire process is smoother and more effective.
Note that I am not saying to lie. Instead, consider the causal constructions of your actions, the explanations for those actions to be an aspect of the role * separate* from the actions themselves. By manipulating the framing as well as the actions, you can provide the necessary hooks for the other players to support your version of reality, rather than rejecting it and, by extension, you.
Postscript
Looking at your comments to other questions, you should absolutely give this group two last tries. In the first trial (of one or two games), try a heroic romp where you can be "Big Damn Heroes." Require the players who need the spotlight be leader. In the second trial (again of one or two games), try a game where players can intrigue against each other (I'd recommend Ars Magica, but then again I recommend it for most things. Most games support PvP intrigue quite ably.) If neither game provides the validation you need and the spotlight the other players need, move on. Before you do anything, take a month break, sit down, relax, and try to game with some strangers. I'm pretty sure that if you go looking for games in the chat section of this site... someone will oblige. For more on the framing problem, I'd quite recommend Rule 34 by Stross, as it describes it in a delicious narrative context.
Have a discussion with the player, privately and not during game time.
- Acknowledge you invited him without discussing what the groups expectations of him were.
- Try to have the missing discussion with him.
- In the discussion point out how his current play style does not fit the groups desired play style.
- At the end of the discussion ask him to conform to the groups expectations or not come back for the current game.
In the future before you invite new players or even start a new game, considering using the same page tool to ease discussion about player expectations.
Best Answer
Two words: Dramatic Exit
Though others adequately attempt to help with the group dynamics, I'll answer the question as asked instead: "How do I quit a game gracefully?" and work my way around to the same place.
Work within the fantasy. Make appologies to the GM and offer to work with him/her to make it work within the story of the game. Make your last session something special (perhaps re-invigorating the game for them?) Here are some things I've done/heard of along those lines:
Heroic Departure — Major conflict with a boss/baddy/ungodly-huge-mob is resolved by an amazing sacrifice by the character. Results in some major boon to party, at the cost of one of their own. Body is not recoverable - but a Heroic funeral for the memory fallen.
Tragic Departure — Have the death of the departing character be tragic - or even better a shock. Chris Perkins tells of how a party was approached by their recurring nemesis who hurled the head of one of their party members (who was not at the session) into the center of the party! Talk about shock and awe! Another variant of this is to have the character's tragic departure be a mystery of it's own: "Why did Roderic intentionally jump into that pit? What was that name he said before going? Da-den? Who's that?"
Parting of the Ways — Arrange to have your character go off on some story-related (or not) side mission that may take months or years to accomplish. In effect transforming him/her to an NPC that effects only the story. During the early days of the founding of the US, major political figures traveled to make allies in Europe on journeys that took many months...
Oddly, you may find that attempting to negotiate dramatic clean-exit for your character from the gaming group may just be the kind of catalyst needed to get things going for the group again, even if you aren't with them. Unlike some others, I see no benefit in offering unsolicited (so-called constructive, really negative) feedback to the group/GM as you're leaving . Your position of "I'm burned out" is a great stance for a graceful exit - let all of the drama take place in-world.