Suppose I suspect that I might be considered a "problem player" but I am not sure. I play using techniques, decisions, or moves that, while not blatantly inappropriate, are atypical or time-consuming, and I am not sure whether others at the table are annoyed.
How can I find out whether I am seen as a problem player? Is the only real answer to say
Ok, my Ranger is going back to town to try to get laid again. Oh by the way, am I a problem player?
or are there techniques or best practices that I can use to self regulate my playing style in order to avoid problems? In other words, I want to avoid being the "problem player" that many DM's and players speak about on RPG.SE (e.g. How to deal with a disruptive player? and How do I, a novice GM, deal with a PC who is constantly difficult?), without needing to depend on waiting to be told this, or worse, having others debating behind my back on how to "deal with" me.
Alternately, how can I communicate effectively with my GM and/or fellow players to ensure that my behavior in and out of character remains within the expectations of the group, especially when dealing with people who may be conflict-averse and more likely to use subtle passive-aggressive techniques than to directly confront someone.
Note: This is a generic "best practices" question, not a request for specific advice on a specific situation. I almost posted it on Interpersonal Skills.SE, but figured that people here have a better idea on interpersonal aspects of tabletop gaming.
This is not a duplicate of Am I a problem player? as that is a question about a specific situation and a request for an actual adjudication or at least informed opinion on whether or not the OP specifically is or is not a problem player given a specific set of circumstances. This question is about how, in general, one can do this themselves.
Best Answer
There is no universal 'Problem Player'
What might be a problem at my table may not be a problem at yours. The same goes for different games, as well as different systems (the expected play in DnD is very different than the expected play in Paranoia for example). Thus we can't lay out a list and say "If you are doing x, y, or z, then you are creating a problem". Problems only exist when someone objects to a situation, or in other words...
You are only a "Problem Player" if someone has a problem with your behaviour
Since you can't inherently 'be' a problem player, you need to get this information from the people you play with. While there are many ways of doing this, the most direct is to simply ask them. You can ask something like,
Hopefully they will give you some feedback and you can try to adjust based on it. For best results you can try several different things, including to ask each person privately (starting with the GM if there is one), communicating that you are honestly looking for feedback, and not trying to be defensive about your behaviour. Acknowledge that you aren't perfect (as none of us are) and that you are trying to make sure everyone is having fun. You should ask this out of game, as disrupting the flow of the game is not only not-fun, it makes things awkward which makes honest open communication much harder.
Sometimes direct questions are hard
If, as you say, you are dealing with severely conflict-averse people then you might need to try a more subtle method. Hopefully even with these kinds of people you can speak honestly and directly, but if you can't you'll need to observe their behaviour.
Do they seem frustrated, bored, or nervous when you are speaking/playing? Do they avoid you outside of the game? Do they tune out whenever you start doing a certain thing or behaving a certain way? Do they have obvious 'panic' reactions? If they do any of these they might have a problem with your behaviour (ie. you are a 'Problem Player' to them), and you should take note of what you were doing when they displayed those signs. Ideally you would be able to talk to them after the game and bring up the specific behaviour you noted,
If they still avoid giving a direct answer you can try and reduce the frequency of the possibly problematic behaviour and see if that changes anything, but...
If someone isn't willing to communicate, you cannot solve their problems for them
If you've asked directly and gotten no negative feedback, and you haven't noticed any negative reactions to your behaviour, you either aren't creating a problem for these people or you aren't capable of detecting the problem. Either way you can continue as you were until something changes. Hopefully by attempting honest communication earlier your fellow players will be more open to honestly telling you when they do have a problem.